[Kepano, the maker of Obsidian, inspires this post format.]
I want time to unroll back. However, this can’t happen. Right? Time keeps on moving on. It does not stop for anyone or anything. This feeling of alienation among a crowd of friends and acquaintances isn’t new, I’ve faced it even before. I don’t know what I wanted or want now.
Festive times are harder than usual. You need to level up your pretend game. To be clear, I have no specific cause to feel melancholic yet I want to cry. Is this being a nihilist? I don’t know what exactly I am searching for. But this search is taking longer than I expected.
Logically, If I’m not sad then I should be happy. Right? But things are not working like said. I’m finding logic absurd. I know logic shapes reality from absurdity. I beg to differ here. I spend hours looking into this little window, slamming keys on the keyboard and accomplishing nothing significant. Maybe I’ve lost the eye to see the value of these little steps I’ve been taking ever since. All the relations I’ve been building, all the people I’ve been connecting to. Everything seems to be a big mistake, and I want to erase that mistake forever.
That is unethical and unadvisable. Think first! Now, here is another problem, I am unable to decide where to go; either left or right. My mind is filled with fog. I’m confused yet motivated. I want to accomplish my goals and be there for everyone. I want to soar to heights and face the winds. I want to do something substantial enough to shake the ground. I want to revisit my past and undo all wrong. I want to relive those moments, maybe better.
Simultaneously I’m relieved that life does not work that way. I still have time to do all of the mentioned above. Again this wave of laziness engulfs me entirely. I started wasting the only valid currency of life: time.